I feel so loved by my family and friends who have been supportive of me as I journey through fibromyalgia and its associated ailments.
Many times I am asked how I am feeling. Usually I respond, “fine,” because I don’t want to bore people with a long list of what looks like a hypochondriac’s nightmare. Lately, it’s become more a question of what doesn’t hurt rather than what does hurt.
I took a little inventory as I climbed the stairs to tell my daughter good-night and realized that my little pinky fingers are not sore. That’s a good thing! It sounds better to say that I am fine than to tell you that my:
stomach, thighs, calf muscles, upper arms, midback, low back, hips, head, knees, feet, throat, tongue, scalp and chest
I can say that mostly it’s been a background kind of pain for today and has not been front and center in my thoughts except when I stand for awhile or talk for awhile or do any activity for awhile (awhile = more than 5 minutes, maybe?).
But I am depressed today. I got word that a doctor who was highly recommended as someone who could be a “quarterback” for me and all these medical issues turned me down as a patient. I’m not quite sure what to make of that or where to go from here.
So I go back to the Lord and do the things that I have such a hard time doing: waiting. being still. listening. seeking.
If nothing else, this journey through pain is teaching me that I am not in control.
Neither is Dr. Whatshis Name.
The only real Controller of my life is the Lord. Even if I am hurting everywhere, I am still “fine,” because I continue to believe that my healing will come. I don’t know when…I don’t know by what means or even where it will happen…but it will.