One of the most difficult things about having a husband who travels is figuring out what’s for dinner. I know it seems a trivial concern, but to me the question of What’s for Dinner is indeed a big deal.
Rather than having food issues, I guess you could say I have Non Food issues. If there was a way to fill up my family the way I fill up my car with gasoline, I’d do it. It’s not that I don’t enjoy cooking — it’s just that I don’t enjoy food. Except perhaps for Dove dark chocolate, I am content to fill up on whatever so long as it is suitably bland and tomato-free and dairy-free and pecan-free and carrot and sweet potato-free….you see my problem. It’s not so much that I am a picky eater as it is that those foods make me feel nasty.
I think I must be the only person on the planet who takes her daughter to Baskin Robbins and doesn’t get something for herself. I can’t eat ice cream. I love the flavor…but as soon as I swallow, it feels like it’s going to come back up. Instant heartburn. TMI, I know.
So, back to the meal-planning angst of this evening. I didn’t. Frozen waffles for her. Almonds for me. Yum yum.
Add my food sensitivities to my daughter’s pickiness, and you get some very small parameters for meals. I have been down the “you must eat whatever I’m eating” street, and it is not pleasant. She gags the whole time, which ruins my appetite as well as hers, and neither one of us ends up eating anything. So, I refuse to make mealtimes battle times. If she doesn’t want what I’m fixing, she can cook something else for herself. But then there’s no shared experience, and cooking for one is so NOT fun.
I blame myself. I always fed her bland food because that’s the way I like it. She came back from camp exclaiming over the grilled chicken they served. Grilled chicken? Can this be the same child? The very same one who wouldn’t touch a chicken unless it was properly breaded and fried to a crisp? Apparently, she liked the chicken because it was very peppery.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
-from Proverbs 31
That is so not me! The Proverbs 31 woman is somehow erased from my DNA. I wish I could find her somewhere. Is it wrong to wish the Lord had molded you a bit differently on the inside?
Lord, you made me. You know me. You renew me each and every day. I can only pray that my weaknesses in this regard will somehow be made strong in You and will somehow glorify you. Maybe not here and now. But someday I’ll stand confident and know What’s for Dinner without feeling so inadequate.
Forgive the weirdness of this post. I miss my husband who will be gone this week on our 14th wedding anniversary. I miss his strength carrying me through on days like today when I don’t feel myself. I’m tired and out of sorts after a whirlwind homeschooling conference and am now embroiled in a very busy VBS at church. My stomach isn’t feeling great and has been yucky for the past couple of days…which ramps up my anxiety level, on a scale of 1 to 10, to about a 50. Tonight I skipped dinner because every time I eat I feel sick. I know that’s not healthy and is not advisable for my 90 pound frame. I also know that the Lord heals me and will give me the strength I need to bring the story alive tomorrow for our 277 kids at VBS. What a blessing and a privilege to share the message: Fear Not! God is Powerful!
Now if I can only listen to what I preach!