Learning to trust the Controller

I feel so loved by my family and friends who have been supportive of me as I journey through fibromyalgia and its associated ailments.

Many times I am asked how I am feeling.  Usually I respond, “fine,” because I don’t want to bore people with a long list of what looks like a hypochondriac’s nightmare.  Lately, it’s become more a question of what doesn’t hurt rather than what does hurt.

I took a little inventory as I climbed the stairs to tell my daughter good-night and realized that my little pinky fingers are not sore.  That’s a good thing! It sounds better to say that I am fine than to tell you that my:

stomach, thighs, calf muscles, upper arms, midback, low back, hips, head, knees, feet, throat, tongue, scalp and chest

Hurt.

I can say that mostly it’s been a background kind of pain for today and has not been front and center in my thoughts except when I stand for awhile or talk for awhile or do any activity for awhile (awhile = more than 5 minutes, maybe?).

But I am depressed today.  I got word that a doctor who was highly recommended as someone who could be a “quarterback” for me and all these medical issues turned me down as a patient.  I’m not quite sure what to make of that or where to go from here.

So I go back to the Lord and do the things that I have such a hard time doing: waiting.  being still. listening. seeking.

If nothing else, this journey through pain is teaching me that I am not in control.

Neither is Dr. Whatshis Name.

The only real Controller of my life is the Lord.  Even if I am hurting everywhere, I am still “fine,” because I continue to believe that my healing will come.  I don’t know when…I don’t know by what means or even where it will happen…but it will.

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