Psalm 1-2, 15, 22-24, 47, 68
Today’s reading had me heart-first into the Psalms. I paid particular attention to some verses in Psalm 22. David hit rock bottom and just cried his heart out to the Lord. He provides me with a good model for how to cry out to God for myself. I self-regulate my prayers oftentimes out of respect for the Lord’s sovereignity. But then are they real?
Two separate doctors have recommended a day surgery for me for a problem I’ve been suffering. Like an idiot, I looked it up online and discovered some disconcerting details. One study showed that 45% of the women who had the surgery had to go back within one year to start all over again. That’s rather higher than I would have expected. And the potential harm to the person having the surgery, while rare, (2-4 out of 1ooo), can be serious requiring additional surgeries and overnight stays at the hospital.
Enter instant chest pain. It happens when I become overly anxious…as I did when I read about the procedure.
After finding out that information, I feel rather like David must have felt as he penned these words in Psalm 22:
14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
Have you ever been so afraid that you became “jelly-legged?” I have…frequently. It goes hand in hand with anxiety attacks. Has your heart ever melted away within you? The description above sounds a lot like a panic attack. Could it be that David had them, too?
Yet I pattern my prayers after David’s, who, although in terrible pain, managed to find the bright side of his travails:
22 I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.
27 All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
28 for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.
Dominion does belong to the Lord…He has my back. He knows about this pain I suffer through…and He will provide a way to either remove it or get me through it.