Turning gloominess into praise

Psalm 3-4; 12-13; 28; 55

Psalm 13 is my song tonight.  I’ve been a bit like Pig Pen on Charlie Brown this weekend, only the cloud hovering over my head is gloomy and rainy, not dusty (although, that may not be far off the mark, either!)

I’m feeling trapped and overwhelmed with the magnitude of what the Lord has called me to do, yet I know that it is not me who will ever get it done, but Him, working through me.  What on earth is a germaphobic nut doing leading a homeschool group that has mushroomed in size from 20 students to 56?

I’m overwhelmed at the clutter in my life.  On one hand, I am extremely pleased with my daughter’s Stanford 10 results.  On the other hand, I am feeling pressed for time.  We haven’t finished our history books or novels, and here it is mid-May!  We haven’t finished our math book or or science books.  I want to throw off school just as much as she does, but I also want to set an example of finishing what we begin.

So, I just keep moving, praying and asking the Lord to show me and lead me so that somehow we’ll find balance.

Every day I am confronted with a pre-teen who is smarter than I am and who cleverly thinks of reasons why she should be allowed to do what she wants to do.  I leave a conversation with her and feel as if I’ve somehow been bamboozled, but I can’t quite put my finger on where or why.  Lord, help me please!

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

In my words:

Lord, how long will you stay hidden from me?  How long will I feel forgotten and lost?

Will there be an end to this time of anxious thoughts, of times when the enemy throws panic at me and causes my bones to melt and my chest to seize up with pain?  Will there be a day that I no longer have to wrestle with my thoughts, when they will automatically turn to you with praise instead of diving down into pitiful depths?

Father, I ask you to answer me.  Help me to see your truth for my life.  I am numb to the core, staring off into space and experiencing such despair that the enemy thinks he has begun to overcome me.

But I still trust in you and in the love you have for me.  You saved me, and you promised that you would never leave me or forsake me.

So I will praise you through this storm, Lord, for you are good all the time, and you are good to me.  Rather than succumb to the gloom, I choose to praise you, for you inhabit the praises of your people…even those offered by someone as unworthy as me.

One thought on “Turning gloominess into praise

  1. I am so sorry that this is one of ‘those’ times for you! I get it, you know that, and I so wish I had encouraging words to make it easier. I just don’t.

    Although I will tell you that I think it is INCREDIBLE what you do with your homeschool group. To me, it shows great progress and even…listen to this…a measure of healing! At a time when I feel like I’m backing up into myself more and more, you are stretching and growing and challenging yourself. Take comfort in that. Perhaps it is the start of a complete breakthrough and healing for you…just imagine! 🙂

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