Learning to be still

2 Kings 18:9-19:37; Psalm 46/80/135

revive us, and we will call on your name.

19 Restore us, O LORD God Almighty;
make your face shine upon us,
that we may be saved.”

Revive and restore.  Doesn’t that sound refreshing?  As I write tonight I feel the anxiety bubbling up and rearing its ugly head, but I still have peace.  Is that weird?  I’ve been praying and asking others to pray that God will open doors for me and will guide me through the medical maze.  Last night I emailed my regular doctor to ask for advice on where I should go to investigate the strange findings in my blood tests, and today he had his nurse call me with his recommendation: first deal with the suspected endometriosis.  And he also gave me the name of a doctor he trusts.

Now I have an appointment with yet another OB/GYN.  I suspect he will recommend a laparoscopy at the very least and possibly a hysterectomy, depending on the amount of damage he finds.  I am anxious about this.  I don’t want surgery…not because I don’t want to deal with the pain…not because I’m afraid to be put under anesthesia…but because I am afraid the surgery will make me nauseous.  I have put this surgery off for a year now due to this fear.  Could it be that the elevated IgM in my body is God’s way of forcing me to deal with the endometriosis?

I’ve read horror stories about untreated inflammation.  Researchers are discovering that it leads to heart disease and a host of other problems, including some cancers.  So just ignoring this problem is probably not the wise choice.  Praying for healing is the right choice.  But I recognize, too, that when Jesus healed or performed other miraculous actions, he had the people do some sort of action first.

It is significant to mention that the GYN that my doctor recommended is one of the very few in my metro area who does not perform abortions or give referrals for them.  This gives me a certain peace because it gives me a glimpse of his apparent worldview.  I like the idea of going to a doctor who has convictions and is not afraid to stand on them.  I pray the Lord will use him to speak truth into me to such an extent that I become an obedient patient who is able to face the anxiety dragon that is breathing down my neck.

In this regard, a phrase from today’s reading touches my heart.  I don’t know how to meditate, but if I did, this is one phrase I would say over and over:

Be still, and know that I am God

And then I found this on YouTube:

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