Repentance and More Pain

Ezekiel 18-19

Those who are acting in wicked ways will be punished for those actions; those who are acting in righteous ways will be rewarded for those actions, period.  It seems that the Israelites believed that the children would be punished for their parents’ sins…but God told them through Ezekiel that this was not good logic, and it was not the way he would judge.  In fact, if a wicked person repents and turns back to Him, he rejoices and forgets their wickedness!  And those who were righteous who stray and begin to be wicked are punished.  The overall theme is: Repent and Live!  I guess the flip side of that is similar to the words seen on various End Times posters held on street corners: Don’t Repent and Die.

Today was a beautiful day.  It rained this afternoon and evening, so the normally hot conditions cooled off a bit.  Our first day of Classical Conversations went very well – I am so proud of our families and honored to be “Fearless Leader.”

“Fearless” is a stretch, as you know!  I’ve been a bit afraid this evening as I have had some pretty intense pain.  It’s depressing when the mere act of sitting is painful.  Being upright in a seated position makes me feel as if all my insides are being squished, particularly in the region of the ovaries.  Praise the Lord, a warm bath and heating pad has taken the edge off tonight, but there were a few minutes there when the pain first hit me that I was ready for my husband to take me to the emergency room.  I found that if I leaned over to the side and put my weight on my hip, the pain abated somewhat and was livable.  But when I sat normally…ugh!  What in the tarnation is wrong with me that I can’t even SIT?  My suspicion is ovulation pain + endometriosis pain, but I’m not a doctor, and I’m certainly not the Lord…who is the one who knows what’s wrong with me.

I keep praying and praying that God will just take this away from me.  I don’t think I can deal with it much longer.  My surgery isn’t until December, and my appointment with a rheumatologist isn’t until October.

After going to the funeral this week, I can’t help but wonder and magnify these problems way beyond what they probably are.  A friend of mine recently called those mental roadblocks “mental warfare,” and I think she is right.  But it’s difficult to battle anxiety about pain AND pain itself all at the same time.

Okay. Enough.  It’s a beautiful night.  The Lord will help me know what to do.

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