I am not the only one who suffers with fibromyalgia. Today I realized the extent of this disease when I had a heart-to-heart with my daughter. She told me, with tears in her eyes, that she missed the me I used to be. She asked me why I always look so sad and depressed and why I seem to have no more joy. She said she wanted her old mommy back.
Her questions and comments just shattered my heart.
But what can I do? Am I supposed to pretend to feel fine when I don’t? Am I supposed to fake a joyful countenance when my back feels like it is on fire?
Today I went to the grocery store and discovered that I can’t push a full basket and talk at the same time. My husband called me, and I found it nearly impossible to speak with him while pushing the heavy cart. I don’t know if that’s a fibromyalgia symptom or a sign that I’m way out of shape…or both!
I do find some guidance in Psalms:
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
It’s that three letter word…yet…that I need to wrap my heart around. Despite my discouragement at continued pain, panic attacks, anxiety, restless legs, coughing, hoarseness, etc., I will YET praise my Savior and my God. I don’t know why I am facing these trials…but I can still put my hope in Him. Maybe my praises will drown out the pain and discouragement?