I am not the only one who suffers with fibromyalgia.  Today I realized the extent of this disease when I had a heart-to-heart with my daughter.  She told me, with tears in her eyes, that she missed the me I used to be.  She asked me why I always look so sad and depressed and why I seem to have no more joy. She said she wanted her old mommy back.

Her questions and comments just shattered my heart.

But what can I do?  Am I supposed to pretend to feel fine when I don’t?  Am I supposed to fake a joyful countenance when my back feels like it is on fire?

Today I went to the grocery store and discovered that I can’t push a full basket and talk at the same time.  My husband called me, and I found it nearly impossible to speak with him while pushing the heavy cart.  I don’t know if that’s a fibromyalgia symptom or a sign that I’m way out of shape…or both!

I do find some guidance in Psalms:

¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

It’s that three letter word…yet…that I need to wrap my heart around.  Despite my discouragement at continued pain, panic attacks, anxiety, restless legs, coughing, hoarseness, etc., I will YET praise my Savior and my God. I don’t know why I am facing these trials…but I can still put my hope in Him.  Maybe my praises will drown out the pain and discouragement?