Depression is lurking outside my door, and I do not want to let it come in. I did not invite it to invade the spaces of my heart, yet there it stands, tapping incessantly. For many people depression comes out of the blue, but for me it is the brother of the other thorn in my side, anxiety. Throw in some stubborn obsessive thoughts, and you have a whole stew of messed up mamma on your hands. A messed up mamma who learned at her first visit with a neurologist today that the very nerves that make her anxious … Continue reading A light in the darkness
Today I plumb near vibrated the fillings out of my teeth. Well, technically I was not the one doing the vibrating, but since I was stuck in the middle of an MRI tunnel and IT vibrated, I jiggled along for the ride. When my brother, who is deaf and wears hearing aids, told me that HE could hear the noise of an MRI when he last had one, I knew the sucker had to be extremely loud. I also knew it would be a tight fit. What I didn’t reckon on was the intense vibration. Or the itch I got … Continue reading The girl has a brain!
Today has been a panicky sort of a day. My ongoing battle with anxiety and phobias continues. However, I am pleased thus far with the EMDR therapy that my new counselor is using. Brain science has come a long way since the doctors told my grandmother (years ago!) to smoke cigarettes for HER anxiety. She died of lung cancer. I never have smoked, but anxiety certainly plays a big part in my life. Thankfully EMDR therapy is non invasive and does not require drugs OR cigarette! Since January I have been battling what I thought were really bad allergies. I’ve … Continue reading The Thinks I Don’t Want to Think
Some people are risk takers. Other people plow through life without thought to the risks and consequences of their actions. Then there are people like me who are risk-averse, to the highest degree. I avoid risk at all costs. My father’s admonition to “think before you act” helped shaped me into the person I am today. But in true perfectionistic form, I take it way past the point of logic and way past what he intended me to learn. Today I find myself in a position where I am endangering my health and my relationship with the Lord because my … Continue reading Stuck in a Shell
Today is my last “normal” day. Tomorrow I have to stick to a clear liquid diet. Oh joy. I can’t wait. Especially since my aching stomach just LOVES being empty with a bunch of liquid on it. I have to admit, I’m feeling my peace crumble just a bit. This would be a really nice time for Jesus to come back! My phobia of nausea is still niggling in my mind, especially now that I learned I have to stick to clear fluids and 3 Miralax treatments. I wish I were a nurse practitioner so I could prescribe myself a … Continue reading Keep the Prayers Coming, Please