I know I haven’t written much on this blog lately. I’ve been in a downward spiral of pain, depression and anxiety.  When you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…that’s what my mom used to always say.  So….I’ve been saying nothing. I have so many blessings…too many to count.  When I think of those suffering in Japan, my response to my own difficulties shames me.  I sit here with a beautiful view of my back yard, my sweet dog patiently curled up by my side (she would be in my lap if it was not taken … Continue reading Joy beyond the horizon

I am not the only one who suffers with fibromyalgia.  Today I realized the extent of this disease when I had a heart-to-heart with my daughter.  She told me, with tears in her eyes, that she missed the me I used to be.  She asked me why I always look so sad and depressed and why I seem to have no more joy. She said she wanted her old mommy back. Her questions and comments just shattered my heart. But what can I do?  Am I supposed to pretend to feel fine when I don’t?  Am I supposed to fake … Continue reading Yet…

I read recently that fibromyalgia has spiritual roots in anxiety and in self hatred.  Really?  I would have never guessed… I’ve been musing about that self-hatred concept, though. There are parts of who I am that I do think reflect the person God created me to be…a writer, an encourager, an educator.  Then there are those aspects of my life that run counter to what God created me to be… Let’s examine just one of those, shall we?  I am a Food Hater.  This aspect of my life goes directly against scripture. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose … Continue reading Food Hater

You don’t look sick. Outwardly I look the same as always, but I’ve been walking in a haze of pain today.  The electrical stimulation treatments did not prevent excruciating menstrual cramping this month as they did the previous three months.  I had some pain yesterday, but today was another off the scale kind of day. My counselor read me an article the other day written by Christine Miserandino, a woman who suffers from Lupus.  Although I do not share her particular illness, I can really relate to the way she has to ration her life because fibromyalgia is stealing mine. … Continue reading All out of spoons