It’s difficult to blog about what I’ve been reading in the Bible when I am so emotionally spent in my own life. Anxiety has a grip on me, I am weepy, and, for the first time I can remember, I am feeling on the brink of losing it, whatever “it” may be. My mind?
I begin the day feeling fresh and full of worship. I am hungry and eat well. But as the day progresses, stress begins to gnaw on my insides to such an extent that I have completely lost my appetite by the time dinner rolls around. This is not a good thing in my family because everyone else is hungry! Tonight my sweet husband gave me a break. When we returned home from piano practice, he had a fire going in the fireplace, classical music playing, and dinner cooking on the stove. I didn’t even have to clean one dish! If you are reading this, sweetie, realize that I consider myself the most fortunate wife on the planet, and I thank God for you every day!! Thank you for giving me this break this evening.
All I can say tonight about Exodus 10-12 is that I read it. The Lord sent more terrible plagues on Egypt, culminating in a horrifying one where the first born of every living thing (except the Israelites who had painted their door frames with the blood of a lamb, as commanded by God) died. At that point, Pharaoh didn’t just let them leave…he kicked them out of the country.
Today I sent my brother a text and told him that I needed a break from being a grown up. In a conversation later, I realized that much of my stress is due to me taking on all my cares instead of casting them on the Lord, who cares for you and for me just as he did for Moses and the Israelites.
So this evening I’m working on that. Casting away the cares…being anxious for nothing…it’s just not working for me. I can’t do it alone or on my own strength:
“8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
At this moment I am definitely not taking pleasure in my weakness. I am dragging, and if my weakness is a lightening rod for God’s power, then I must be lit up like a flaming torch right now!
I’m thankful tomorrow is another day and hopeful that one day the Lord will bring me out of my Egypt called Anxiety.