Matthew 28; Mark 16
Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of Jesus, and a woman named Salome bought spices to anoint Jesus’ body. I wonder about Salome. Who was she? I also wonder about the conflicting emotions that must have seized their hearts when they learned Jesus had risen…when they tried to tell the news to everyone, but no one believed them…why? Because they were women? Possibly. These people saw Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead after four days…did they not believe that Jesus would also rise?
My pain level is better tonight than last night. It was a rough one. I don’t know what to think about it, much less what to write. I had such high hopes…but I also was skeptical because I am the only one (besides the Lord) who knows just how much pain my body puts me through each month. Today I’m exhausted, have zero appetite, and feel ill. Having a period should not make a person feel like they have been in a car wreck…but that’s where I am.
The good news is that Jesus knows. I wouldn’t be honest if said that everything is hunky dory with my faith. I feel betrayed. The Lord opened this door for me…for what? To throw my hopes on the ground and smash them? I guess that is His perogative. He is, after all, the Lord Almighty. I am putty in his hands. For some reason He allowed this pain to continue….I don’t know if He is herding me somewhere he wants me to go…if He is perfecting my character…or if He has some other objective that I can’t see.
I just need it to stop. The Marys and Salome were in emotional pain when they visited the tomb. I, too, am in emotional (and physical) pain. I wish the Lord would send a shining, unmistakable angel to me to give me the good news. Oh…but He has…in the form of the Counselor, the Holy Spirit. Who I haven’t been hearing lately.
Maybe I need to clean out my ears, because Jesus promised he would never leave us or forsake us.
One thought on “Looking for the message”
I kind of live in that place of spiritual confusion you’re experiencing. I have seen far, far more prayers go unanswered than answered…and it makes me wonder. What if the purpose of our struggles is to simply drive us to cling more tightly to God? Not to pray that He heals us or delivers us, but to just allow His grace to carry us through it?
I don’t know. It frustrates me to no end, though. I could go on and on about this subject and truthfully I’ve already done that here but deleted most of my comment numerous times! Simply said: There is a huge gap between what I’m told should happen and what actually does happen (spiritually speaking) and it is becoming harder and harder to ignore or explain away.
I believe in God wholeheartedly and I believe Jesus is real and He died to save me, but I truthfully question everything else beyond that some days. Most days. Not sure what to do about any of it. I know this in NO way helps you…sorry.