Looking for His power

1 and 2 Thessolonians

11 So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.

As I read both letters to the Thessolonians, I had a desire to travel back in time to BE among them.  I wish I had heard the Good News of Jesus accompanied by the power of the Holy Spirit…probably because at this moment I am back in the desert.  I know the Lord is here and is with me, but for some reason I feel alone.

And everything in my life falls apart at the seams.  There is truth that when mamma ain’t happy, nobody is happy.  A spirit of discord is in my house.  I had nausea and the subsequent panic attack tonight.  My relationship with my family feels out of tune.

Lord, I need you.  Please don’t hide your face from me.  Remember the movie The Neverending Story?  I feel as if the Nothing is on the fringes of my life.  It’s attacking my family and even my faith.  A little part inside me says that it would be so much easier to renounce God…but I beat those thoughts back.  Easier for who?  Certainly not for me.  The whole reason I am in such angst is because I need more of the Lord and less of me.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I am certain that something is out of whack.  My pain is back tonight.  I’m not sleeping well.  I had a panic attack in the middle of Hobby Lobby.  I’m hungry but refuse to eat due to the nausea earlier.  I feel adrift not only from God but also from my family and friends.

I mean for this blog to be encouraging…but I have to keep it honest as well.  And a peek inside my heart tonight shows a big ugly ball of angst.  I can only pray the Lord will sort it out and make me well again physically, mentally, and emotionally, so I can live a life worthy of His calling.

2 thoughts on “Looking for His power

  1. The biggest thing is just to ride it out, knowing that it WILL pass, it always does. Your family knows what you go through, they’ll be there after it’s gone. Their love for you is unconditional.

    God is there, bigger and more present than we can ever imagine. He knows your heart and He most definitely knows that there is more to you than the fears you cannot control. I don’t know why He remains silent and unmoving sometimes. It tortures me.

    NEVERTHELESS…He is God, I am not. I will serve and follow Him. Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him. It is perhaps our way of picking up our cross and following Him.

    Praying for you. Always. (((hug)))

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