1 and 2 Thessolonians
11 So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.
As I read both letters to the Thessolonians, I had a desire to travel back in time to BE among them. I wish I had heard the Good News of Jesus accompanied by the power of the Holy Spirit…probably because at this moment I am back in the desert. I know the Lord is here and is with me, but for some reason I feel alone.
And everything in my life falls apart at the seams. There is truth that when mamma ain’t happy, nobody is happy. A spirit of discord is in my house. I had nausea and the subsequent panic attack tonight. My relationship with my family feels out of tune.
Lord, I need you. Please don’t hide your face from me. Remember the movie The Neverending Story? I feel as if the Nothing is on the fringes of my life. It’s attacking my family and even my faith. A little part inside me says that it would be so much easier to renounce God…but I beat those thoughts back. Easier for who? Certainly not for me. The whole reason I am in such angst is because I need more of the Lord and less of me.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I am certain that something is out of whack. My pain is back tonight. I’m not sleeping well. I had a panic attack in the middle of Hobby Lobby. I’m hungry but refuse to eat due to the nausea earlier. I feel adrift not only from God but also from my family and friends.
I mean for this blog to be encouraging…but I have to keep it honest as well. And a peek inside my heart tonight shows a big ugly ball of angst. I can only pray the Lord will sort it out and make me well again physically, mentally, and emotionally, so I can live a life worthy of His calling.